[SingPoWriMo Day 5] i’m not lying, even, not really.

Singapore Poetry Writing Month Day 5 Prompt: Write a poem about everything you would like to say yes to.


i’m not lying, even, not really.

when i’m telling my mother about my friends’ boy troubles,
that a likes b, so on and so forth, while b likes c,
she looks over knowingly and asks “what about you, and which boy is of your fancy?”
i blush, grateful that my family’s at least this open, and deny any involvement in these stories
i’m not even really lying, strictly.

 

when my father tells me all the good traits a boyfriend must have
patting my head before enquiring if i have a “good male friend” currently
i’m caught, momentarily, in all the responses i can possibly offer him
before deciding to just shake my head, and say no, not at the moment, not really.
i’m not even lying about that, technically.

 

when my grandmas on the phone
asking in loud, boisterous chinese
if i am in a “relationship”, and who’s the lucky boy?
i laugh, quickly, buying time to find a response
this one’s just a tad harder to avoid lying about, so i don’t beat around the bush
and i tell her i’m not thinking about dating boys right now.

 

when my class plays truth or dare
hollering about how we’re “too old for this, guys, come on”
and i have to tell the truth when asked if i have a boyfriend (“be honest! karma will know if you aren’t!”)
i can laugh and shake my head and say no, don’t be ridiculous, who has the time in this economy?
and i know i’m not even lying, really,
but i share a smile with my friend who winks at me surreptitiously.

 

and when in ethics class the lecturer asks if a lie of omission is the same as lying itself,
i stay silent
not sure if i want to know the answers to that question
cause i pride myself on being an honest person
just that sometimes, on some things, i talk in half sentences.

 

no, mama, i’m not interested in boys right now (or ever, because have you seen a girl, oh my god, they’re so soft and so much easier to love)
no, papa, i don’t have a boyfriend (but i do have a girlfriend, you know the nice girl that comes over every week, ho boy don’t i have explaining to do if this ever comes out)
no la ah ma, where got time for boys! (girls though, that i have time for, do you know how much less time i have to waste reminding them not to mansplain things to me?)
no la yo i not dating, a boyfriend and 3 essays due next week? who do you think i am, superwoman? (a girlfriend and 3 essays due sound manageable though. sorry not sorry.)

 

the ethics lecturer keeps talking
unaware of the flashbacks and monologues going on within me
the words ive never finished saying and the people i’ve deceived
and he asks, how much should we forgive lying out of necessity?
that’s when i give up listening
and drop a text to the person most dear to me.

 

 

 

 

//

[a note: not strictly personal! also! i know i started on day 5 ok SHHHHHHH HAHAHAH also ya i did manage to fit in #bonus1 which called for 5 nos to be include in the poem about saying yes, but however i did not eat cake (which was bonus 2.) but anyways I AM TRYING THIS SINGPOWRIMO THING OUT I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A POEM FOR DAY 2 HAHAHAHAHA SO U KNOW. I MIGHT CLEAN THAT UP & POST IT AS WELL. ho boy but also really this is really not about me it’s maybe a portion of my life but not fully YA JUST DON’T ASSUME THINGS ABOUT ME FROM THIS PLS THANKS OK I AM OUT PEACE]

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